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Malam
setapak demi setapak kutelusuri kelam.
menangisi sesal hadapi kalam.
ketika lentera hati padam.
sesalku tak kan pernah temaram.
indah nian kutatap malam.
laksana surga mungucap salam.
kusapa bintang tak pernah muram.
sayup mimpi hadirkan suram.
engkau hadir buatku karam.
tanpa jiwa kau siksaku kejam.
kurasa perih, remuk lebam.
kuteriakan rintih kau diam.
kucoba melawan tanpa dendam.
kubangun puing hati hancur redam.
labirin buram sesatku terbenam.
semakin jauh ku terajam.
bebaskanku darimu malam.
lelapkanku selayak gendam.
bangun khan ku selayak godam.
karenamu malam ku jahanam.
aku kok jadi pengin mamam ???
ok, let's get serious. from a novice point of view.
the word selection is.. well.. okay.
but the contents are.. mmm... incoherent.
I could easily tell that you're mind is going through multiple emotions at a single time. Makes it hard to understand the meaning of the poet.
And the constant usage of "...am" as ending, makes it difficult for the eye to follow... i jumped between lines several times, and had to reread it again and again.
Conclusion : your poet is kinda hard to read, and once one is finished reading it, one would find that you are still in uncertainty of what you really want and what you really need.
but the contents are.. mmm... incoherent.
Well ok, i made it when my feeling actually between enjoying the night and being tortured by it. i always being covered by solitude that i really hate a lot. it seems quite difficult to free my self from it, it's a kinda of dilemma that i have to face every night. "missing someone" that is the problem... some one that actually always come everywhere at night in silent of darkness. i am afraid of it. would you please "night" gives me a bit peace in my heart. you are peaceful of pain for me...